Gratitude-Day 2

Gosh, I woke up this morning feeling a lot of fear. The kind of anxiety that fogs my judgment and gets in the way of being kind to those I love the most. I couldn't put my finger on any one thing that was causing the flurry of feelings - it was a hodge podge of garbage that had been piling up in the back of my mind and it needs to get dumped. A Public blog isn't the appropriate place for this sort of purging but I will share a few things because I think a few of my readers can identify.

I'm suffering from I-want-it-all-itis so I'm volunteering at my kids school, in Art school and busy with three clients plus trying to keep up a house, marriage and some kind of self care. The net-net, is that I fall short on many of the things - mostly neglecting the tasks that aren't visable to others focusing most of my energy on ego based or guilt preventing activities (i.e.- working at the school, art school and work). The good news is that I'm getting a lot of great feedback in those areas which makes me feel good about myself, provides us with financial resources and most of all, makes my kids happy. The bad news is that I'm not taking care of myself, my home, my personal responsibilities and my most importent relationship - with my spouse. Those shortcomings eat at me and today I felt it. I have no idea how to resolve this dilema but I do know that it is an inside job. So this gratitude list is dedicated to healing my current state of discomfort.

I am grateful for:

1. second chances
2. rainy days that make being completely lazy with my family really easy
3. naps
4. the support we get from our parents
   
5. my husband and I can squawck at each other and be totally fine 5 minutes later
6. that I have my whole life to work on being the best me I can be
7. I don't struggle with saying that I am sorry
8. my community
9. pay per view
10. the Dave Matthews band
    
11. my art room and studio
12. salads
13. children's tylonal
14. Random Acts of kindnrss
15. that my family gives me time to do art
16. flowers
17. hot showers
18. I don't have any desire to be the prettiest girl in the room
19. I have my problems versus the problems millions of others have around the world (starvation, disease, lack of freedom)
20. That my fears have nothing to do with my personal safety or my family's.