I can't believe how quickly the holidays came and went. It was a great Christmas and quiet New Years- I love that! My kids have been pretty wacked out with the anticipation, excitement and attention they've experienced. Both Dad and I were home much of the past two weeks so their routine was interrupted. I enjoyed the season but am looking forward to 2008 and the promise of a New Year.
I've been thinking about New Years resolutions and what I'd like to do differently in 2008. What keeps coming up is that I would like to be kinder to myself and find more comfort in happiness. I have come to believe that joy brings me a great deal of anxiety because I anticipate the let down that occurs when joy is bumped by the trials of life. The expression, "this too, shall pass..." applies to both the bad and the good times and it seems I'm much more "comfortable" with the bad because I prefer anticipating things getting better. When life is peaceful and I'm feeling harmonious, I start to worry and wonder what event will change the tide. I suppose I do this in hopes that I can alter the future by eliminating the obstacle, but by the very act of consideration, I have ceased to feel the joy I am trying to protect.
Besides being self defeating, exhausting and frustrating, this cycle of self sabotage undoubtedly takes a toll on my physical and spiritual health. I am certain it is not a state of being that God intended for me or anyone else for that matter. And so, in 2008, I pledge to be kind to myself; to practice being in the moment no matter what lies in front of me; to embrace happiness and to clean up the messy details that clutter my soul. This means taking a few minutes each morning to connect with the world and my Higher Power; to reduce multi tasking and take my time in all my activities; to open up my heart when I feel good inside rather than guard it; and to cross one dreaded detail off my list each day instead of stockpiling them until they become unbearable.
I printed this pledge and taped it to my bathroom mirror so it is official. I am committed.